We have all heard it; in the papers, on the news, even our friends and neighbors are whispering it in a soft, almost apologetic tone – ‘we have to stop bullying in our schools’. It is true that all around Western societies, the rise of bullying in schools has tripled in the last 100 years. I would agree that this is by no means that big of a deal, considering what is going on throughout the rest of the world, but that is not our problem, is it? We have to stop bullying now, is what most people consider to be ‘hot’ or ‘in’ right now, so let’s humor said people, shall we?
OK, so what do you need to know about bullying? So, there are basically 3 types of bullies: The ‘beat you up’ kind, the ‘make you feel sad’ kind and the cowardly ‘spamming your email with nasty stuff’ kind. Of course each corresponds to different intellectual preset and each correlates to a different childhood-trauma based ideology. Let’s have a look shall we?
If you or a close friend or relative of yours is dealing with a aggression-displacing bully, then you are in for a treat. Those kinds of people are usually the subject of far greater physical and psychological torture than you ever could, and are thus projecting their own misfortune upon others. Remember, for ever type of behavior there is a particular cause and solution. Knowing this can greatly enhance your chances of survival and would calibrate your ‘victim-predator’ complex to a more manageable levels. Because after all it is fear that drives aggression and nothing else!
What does it mean to compensate? Well, the truth is that everyone has something that does not seem to fit into their ‘life frame’ and is desperately trying to make it better by making other people feel worse. Like with aggressive bullies, verbally abusive bullies adhere to the notion ‘monkey see, monkey do’. Usually as a result of a ‘power assertion’ mechanism, as seen at home. By making other people feel worthless and small, the bully is able to eliminate some of the so-called ‘cognitive dissonance’, a phenomenon often associated with poor self-esteem due to the subject’s inability to process two self-contradicting ideas at the same time. Making the world you think is right into the world which is, and implementing the same ideology, is the bully’s goal.
The “Cowardly’ Lion
The third kind of bullying arose with the dawn of social networking somewhere in the mid 2000’s. Typically kids get on their computers and due to the anonymous nature of the internet, can in fact deliver threatening and unpleasant writings to anyone without being directly held responsible. This gives carte blanche to bullies that are not all that confident in their ‘intimidation factor’ to present themselves as the ‘oppressors’ rather than a victim. From a psychological standpoint we can assume, that those kids have been the victims of bullying themselves and are now trying to change their affiliation through masking and thus changing their identity.
Dealing With Bullies The Right Way
Like all things in life, every little problem has its solution. The key to dealing with bullies is, yes I will say it, telling on them anonymously. There is no better/smarter way to deal this sort of problem, for if you choose to ignore it and hope it goes away, you will never be free from your fears and they will hunt you for the rest of your life. ‘Avoiding’ or ‘fighting’ bullies is great if have no conscious, in fact most people think that this is the right thing to do, but alas it is not! If someone punches you in the face you don’t go punching back, that is crazy. Sure you might get a little bruising every here and there, but by telling your teacher and family about your bully situation is almost guaranteed to make the problem go away. React to verbal abuse with a clever, rehearsed response that would leave the bully speechless and discombobulated. You can think a lot of these in your spare time (just don’t go for that ‘Sticks and Stones’ gibberish). As to cyber bullies, well the best thing to do is to ignore them, and if the problem gets too out of control, save your internet history and report the perp to the proper authorities. After all who cares what some dumb kid wrote about you on Facebook or whatever, unless it is too foul to just pass by. Remember that all bullies are cowards inside, so not being a coward yourself will greatly improve your chances of redemption. And don’t forget to always help others who are in the same predicament as you.
Author Bio: Jessica Conars is passionate freelance blogger keen on topics about family relations and parenting. She currently works at tidy cleaning Finchley and she loves her job because she has enough time to write for her readers.