There is an ongoing worldwide practice to push our kinds towards independence at the earliest convenience possible. While this act may seem just from the parents’ point of view, ultimately, it’s the teenagers that suffer. Multiple factors influence this decision making, the most important of which seem to tilt towards point of origin and religion.
Younger generations from America, Australia, Europe, Russia and some number of countries are among the most likely having to depend on themselves from younger age. Of course, the issue derives less likely from the system inhabited, more likely from the people that are supposed to be the anchor of our future generations – parents. Yes, by itself, the system is an ugly battleground where fighting for survival under fear is ever present. Still, that remains no excuse. In the end, there is a simple rule of thumb we are all strongly encouraged to follow:
“Don’t create life you can’t look after.”
From the observations of a neutral, there are only a couple of reasons why a teenager would go solo from such an early stage in its life. It’s either it wants to because of the inability to accept parenting commands, it needs to, due to pressing reasons, or it’s forced to. Keep in mind, a move this radical would not happen without a very good reason.
Take for example arguing with your folks, which is so common nowadays. I know, it’s a pain compared to none other. How can the people that have given the beginning of you now suddenly seem to be turning against you? It’s actually very simple. Their motive for doing so has only one single purpose. They want you to want to become independent, finding a way of your own. Parents know that fear will provoke the natural instinct of self-preservation, if they keep applying pressure to your everyday.
Here’s the gap. Although they are possibly easily aware of this approach towards parenting, not all of them are intellectually competitive to know how to control the outcome. As always, too much and the effect would backfire. Knowing how easily a teenager is provoked, it’s not at all difficult to say the wrong word and relations between parents and child are never the same, sometimes even lost completely.
The difficulty of parenting hides in the balance, knowing how much to push and from which point in time. Also, forceful measures should be the last measures to be taken. It’s always worth first trying your best to talk over and eventually negotiate future actions peacefully, instead of the other way around. Unless vigilant in maintaining trust, any hope of assuring a better future the right way is quickly lost.
Why, you would ask. We are all people. Regardless of our age and experience, it’s natural to place our trust where security resides. Teenagehood isn’t going to make it easy. This is a stage where a person questions all and everything, including family and himself. A single wrong doing results in distrust, which amplifies times every time it occurs. This is called a geometrical progression and in math, this is usually how you get those scary numbers.
In turn, sixteen-year-olds should be careful. If you in that common situation, you have to think on a clear head as to how to proceed. Don’t make the mistake of sharing thoughts with your friends. They are not in your shoes and they could think very extremely and misleading. Instead, as much as it pains to go through the following, pay for attempts(I say attempts, not attempt) to negotiate with them and complain on your behalf. Unfortunately, negotiation demands from you as much as you demand from them. It’s time to get serious. The most difficult thing for you to do now is break through the laziness you were so comfortable with to up until now. It requires the greatest of effort. To make it easier, think of your laziness as being brainwashed. How you break free is entirely up to you.
If none of the above works, obviously the problem is not with you, in which case considering a run for it is a very delightful option. You must follow a sequence of test to determine exactly how much do your parents care about your future. In the early stages, when you just can’t take anymore of their constant nagging, mention leaving the house and finding a place of your own. Memorize how parents react. This should signal them to back off with the nagging. In case of continuation, question them in the following fashion:
“Mom(dad). I’m leaving the house now, I just can’t take any more of your constant threats. I have already made preparations to find myself a place and a job. But ask yourself this. Is this what you want me to become, a rough neck with broken dreams? Because if so, please don’t look for me anymore as your son(daughter).”
Words put in this way are too much for parents to process all at once. For them, this is the equivalent of their own family denying them as such. Any person with a little sense of sanity within them will back off and revise the way they treat you. If not, I am very sorry to inform you that you really don’t need to hang around there any longer. As that happens, you will be joining the tens of thousands of people across the globe in the very same situation. This article is meant for an universal audience, serving as a warning.
My name is Ondre. For as long as I can remember, I wanted to sail. I’m currently doing so. My primary orientations, besides the maritime occupation, are languages, self-improvement in general and also teaching others how to use the skills that they have to their best advantages. The latter in particular has taken me through a number of different journeys, helping the guys at Man and Van Wimbledon, freelancing for charity, individual coaching and more. Feel free to ask me anything you like about myself.