I am not a morning person.
It’s 7:30 am and I am getting my annual Mammogram at the Woman’s Hospital.
Babs was giving me my Mammogram and she was very talkative. She definitely did her job and kept me completely distracted with her philosophy of life.
It was actually pretty hilarious. You know the drill. There you are with your beloved breast smashed like a pancake between 2 pieces of cold metal. Then they say “don’t breathe” as they take the picture. The problem is Babs was so out there that she made me laugh. (Which I don’t recommend when your breast is in the vise grip.)
Here is the conversation.
Babs: Do you work?
Me: Yes. I am a marriage and family therapist. I help moms with their teenage daughters.
Babs: Have you written a book? Not that I would read it, I don’t read self help books.
Me: Actually, I am in the process of getting my book published.
Babs: That’s great, but I won’t read it.
Me: (laughing while in the cranked position.)
Babs: Don’t breathe… I remember when my daughter was a teenager. I would go in there every day while she was sleeping. She looked so innocent when she was sleeping, and I would say there she is-there’s my little girl. You know why I did that?
… Oh I don’t like that picture we need to take that over.
Me: (I’m thinking -what’s wrong with the picture?) Why did you do that?
Babs: Well- when my daughter was awake, she was a fire breathing dragon.
Babs: You know I prayed the mother curse on her… Hold still. (she takes another picture) OK that’s better…
Me: What’s the mother curse?
Babs: I pray my daughter will get kids that will treat her exactly how she treated me.
Me: (I’m thinking she could benefit from reading a self help book!)
Now Babs said this to me in playful, sarcastic way. I laughed at the time.
(What else was I going to do when my breasts were at her mercy?)
But seriously… a mother curse.
I was talking to my friends and discovered, this is actually a common thought.
Here’s how it goes.
- If my daughter made me suffer, then I hope her kids will make her suffer.
- If my daughter made me feel like I wanted to pull my hair out, I hope my daughter will have kids that will make her want to pull her hair out.
In other words, a mothers curse is REVENGE.
I believe all mothers start off wanting to bless their daughters, but teenage girls can push you to the edge. If this happens year after year the attitude to bless wears off and cynicism, anger, and resentment start to appear.
And when you start resenting your daughter, you say things like, “you made your bed, now lie in it,”or “you just wait till you have a teenager.”
Now I can understand how mothers feel that way, but Babs is right this is a mother curse.
Actually, it is more than a mother curse, it’s a generational curse.
If you curse your daughter, then your daughter will curse her daughter, and this will continue from one generation to another.
Is this what you really want?
The good news is you can turn your relationship around with your daughter. I am passionate about helping mothers and daughters turn the curse into blessing, the pain into joy, judgment to grace, and a hostile relationship into a loving, playful connection.
What does it mean to bless my daughter?
To bless your daughter means:
- You want the best for her. You want her to be happy, and healthy. You want her to be successful in her relationships and prosper in her career. You even want her to surpass what you have accomplished. You hope she doesn’t have to make the same mistakes you have.
- You want your daughter to be protected from unnecessary suffering. No one can escape suffering. There is a good suffering that enlarges the heart and increases compassion, but there is unnecessary suffering that is destructive.
- You believe in her even when she doesn’t believe in herself. There’s a good chance when you see the ugly side of your daughter, it’s because she doesn’t love or like herself. She is feeling hopeless about her future. This is when your daughter needs you to hold the highest vision for her life.
- You forgive her mistakes and let it go. You know that there is so much more to her than her mistakes. An adolescent is hard wired to make mistakes. How many mistakes did you make in high school? I know I made a kajillion.
What are the consequences of a mother blessing?
1. It will bring you and your daughter closer together. First of all your daughter will feel it. She is very tuned into you. She can feel if you are angry at her and if you really can’t stand being around her.
She feels when you are her advocate and want the best for her.
When you have an attitude of blessing she will open up to you because she won’t feel judged. She will want to be close to you because she will feel better about herself when she is near you.
2. There are ripples of blessing. When you bless your daughter you will be blessed. Not only will you be blessed in this generation but you will be blessed in future generations. When you bless your daughter, you bless her grandchildren and her great grandchildren…
Colleen O’Grady encourages and empowers women to live their highest and best life. From her coaching programs to her one of a kind therapy sessions, she has helped hundreds of women and teenage girls uncover their true purpose in life, create more happiness, and move to a place of inner peace. Colleen knows that everyone can create this kind of life.
Colleen O’Grady is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Marriage and Family Therapist. Her private practice in Houston, Texas has been active for over 20 years. As an approved supervisor on a state and national level, Colleen is sought after to train master-level therapists, psychology and psychiatry residents throughout Houston. Colleen has created innovative coaching programs to give people practical tools for moving forward while also standing on a strong foundation of therapeutic practice.